Baby Got Back
by britbojangles
Summary: With Nationals looming on the horizon, Blaine comes up with a performance that he's sure will win them the trophy. With the help of Santana's voice and his boyfriend's killer dance moves, he attempts to persuade the club to choose his number. My take on how 'Baby Got Back' could have been utilized properly for the show. ***set in Season 3*** xxCOMPLETExx


**A/N: I was so let down by the Glee version of 'Baby Got Back' that I decided to whip out a one shot that revolves around how I would have liked to see it done. It takes place during Season 3 right before Nationals.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Especially not the Sir Mix Alot version of the song which I live by. That's the version they will sing. **

* * *

"Does anyone else have a song prepared for this week's assignment?" Mr. Schuester asked the group. Rachel's hand shot up first. "Rachel, you already sang. Give someone else a chance." Rachel's hand sank down to her side slowly. She was obviously disappointed by yet another missed opportunity to perform in public. "No one? Come on, guys. Nationals are in a week and we've got to bring it. Now, I've heard that the judges are looking for sexier….edgier…so you guys need to work on that. Class dismissed."

Blaine smiled to himself as the class scurried away. He could do sexier and edgier. He was once lead singer for the Dalton Academy Warblers after all.

As his boyfriend packed his bag up, the ex-Warbler leaned in and whispered to him. "Baby, meet me at my house in an hour." He watched as his boyfriend raised a skeptical eyebrow.

"We didn't have anything planned for today. Are you suggesting an _unscheduled meeting_?" He purred. Since the incident with Chandler, unscheduled meeting was code for 'fuck me against your front door because we can't seem to make it to the bedroom'.

The junior shook his head. "Not that kind of meeting. I wanted to talk to you about the piece Mr. Schuester wants us to put together." Kurt's face fell significantly. He didn't seem to be expecting that.

"Oh…um…okay." The senior replied sullenly, shoving his notebook into his bag a bit more forcefully than necessary. Blaine barely noticed, however. He was too busy dashing out of the classroom in search of his duet partner. Little did Kurt know, he wouldn't be singing during their performance. Blaine had better ideas for his boyfriend.

* * *

"Santana." Blaine shouted as he pushed through the crowd of students. The cheerleader was at her locker staring absently at her girlfriend's ass. _Is she drooling?_ He watched as the girl slid the back of her hand across her bottom lip. _Yeah, she's definitely drooling_. "Santana!" He tried again. This time, he was able to pull her out of her trance. The cheerleader looked up with a hint of murder in her eyes. _Shit. She's going to kill me._

As Blaine pushed through the crowd, his bag flapping behind him, he tried not to show his fear. Santana was a frightening individual; almost as frightening as Kurt. Almost. "What do you want, DeVito?" She snarled. "Teetee is trying to get her lady mack on."

Blaine smiled at her, proud that she was putting herself out there enough to admit to 'lady macking', as he spoke. "Yeah. Umm…hold on," he turned to Brittany and smiled. "Could you excuse us, Brit? I need to speak with Santana." He watched as the cheerleader shot her girlfriend a questioning look. Santana simply smiled and promised to call her later. With the blonde gone, Blaine turned his attention back to the Latina. "I have an idea for Mr. Schuester's assignment, but I need your help."

Santana quirked an eyebrow. "Why don't you ask Lady Hummel? Isn't he like your partner for everything? Bowling. Sexing. Eating. Sexing. Singing. Sexing. You know, everything that's important in life?" Blaine rolled his eyes, something that he never did before he and Kurt got together, and shook his head.

"Kurt is my everything, and he'll be part of this, but I need you for the song. I just want Kurt to dance." Santana doubled over in laughter, causing the junior to frown. "What's so funny?"

"Hummel? Dancing? Are you kidding me? I'll admit, the kid has pipes, but he is a walking advertisement for two left feet." She chuckled.

"That's because he's not into it. You've never seen Kurt really dance. He gets so into the music that his body just moves in these ways. It's…..breathtaking." He replied dreamily. While Kurt wasn't Mike Chang or Brittany, he was definitely a sight to see when he was feeling the music. The way his body moved was captivating. "Check it out."

Blaine pulled his phone from his pants pocket and thumbed through his videos. When he thought he had the one he was looking for, he pressed play."

"Oh God, Blaine. Just like that." Kurt's moaned through the tiny speakers. Shocked that he'd picked the wrong video, it took the junior a full minute to find the pause button. In that minute, Santana watched him suck on a cock as if it was a giant, fleshy lollipop.

"Damn, Anderson. That's what you want to do that in front of the glee club? Normally I wouldn't be into it, but now that I've seen Hummel's dick, I'm down. We have to bring Brit though. She's more into the D these days than I am."

Frustrated, Blaine shook his head. "No! That was the wrong video." He huffed as he thumbed through them again. He couldn't stand the embarrassment of clicking the wrong video again, so he muted his media and watched the video before holding the phone out for he cheerleader to see. "Watch. It's edgy and sexy; just like Mr. Schue wants."

Santana grabbed the phone and watched expectantly as Kurt –dressed in what looked to be yoga pants and a wife beater- flitting around a living room.

_**Yes I did, yes I did, somebody please tell him who the F I is  
I am Nicki Minaj, I mack them dudes up, back coupes up, and chuck the deuce up**_

He sang. Just as Santana was about to tell the junior that Kurt nodding his head didn't count as dancing, it happened.

_**Boy you got my heartbeat runnin' away  
Beating like a drum and it's coming your way  
Can't you hear that boom, badoom, boom, boom, badoom, boom, bass**_

Kurt stood with his feet shoulder width apart and his hands on his knees. And then he dropped to the floor. That wasn't the amazing part though. The way her friend's back arched and his ass led the way back up nearly brought tears to the cheerleader's eyes. And if that wasn't amazing enough, Kurt's booty popped perfectly in time with the bass of the track.

Santana continued to watch the video of Kurt working and twerking for the camera. When it ended, Santana handed the phone back to her friend. "If you can make that happen at Nationals, it will shut the completion down. Literally. We will finish the song and they will automatically declare us the winners." Blaine nodded; he already suspected that would be the outcome.

"I have to talk him into doing that in glee though. He's really hesitant about it and-"

"Why? If he popped his booty like that in public, no one would ever bully him. Straight guys would fall in love with him." Blaine's face fell. He didn't like that idea at all. _Maybe we shouldn't do this. We just got over that thing with Chandler. He wasn't difficult to deal with –he looked kind of weird- but I don't know if I can compete with other guys. Puck has the insane arms and Mike has abs and….Sam is Sam and there's just no comparing to Trouty Mouth. _

"Earth to Blanderson. I know it's difficult to hear down there in Munchkinland, but pay attention." Blaine was pulled away from his thoughts instantly.

"Huh? What? Oh…what did you say?" He asked, still a little flustered by his thought pattern. Maybe it was a bad idea. He didn't want to compete with other guys.

"I asked if you had a song in mind." That got his attention. In an instance, all of his ill-fated thoughts about losing his boyfriend to straight men were gone.

"Meet us at my house this about six. We have work to do." He instructed as he turned to leave. He missed the shake of Santana's head and the slam of her locker. He was too busy making plans. He decided that he and Kurt needed to have an unscheduled meeting before Santana's arrival. That way he could convince himself that Kurt wanted only him and he could convince Kurt that dancing in public wasn't a bad idea.

* * *

"Oh God, yes! Right there, Blaine! Fuck me!" Kurt shouted. It nearly threw Blaine's rhythm off. The senior wasn't normally very vocal during sex, but that day wasn't a normal day. Kurt usually topped, but the ex-Warbler wanted to switch it up that day. Things needed to be momentarily switched up in order to get Kurt on board with his performance idea. "Yes, Blaine. Yes. Yes."

Blaine pushed his boyfriend's body closer to the desk and pounded mercilessly into the senior. He watched as his cock slid in and out of the abused hole that was nestled between the perfectly round halves that made up the ass that he chose to worship. "God, baby. You're so hot like this. And your ass…" Blaine trailed off as he ran a calloused hand over his boyfriend's plump ass. "My homeboys tried to warn me, but that butt you got makes me so horny." He sang as he laid a timed smack down on the skin, watching as it jiggled on impact.

He listened as his boyfriend hummed in agreement. That was something about Kurt. When he was enjoying the moment, he would agree with anything. Once, Blaine asked if they could make a special trip to McDonalds to buy limited edition Happy Meal toys during sex and Kurt agreed readily. "I want 'em real thick and juicy. So find that juicy double. Mix-a-Lot's in trouble. Beggin' for a piece of that bubble." He rapped as he drove his cock into his boyfriend's heat once again.

"God! FUCK! Blaine, shut up and fuck me." Kurt demanded. As far as Blaine could tell, his boyfriend was close. He was rutting his neglected cock against the hard wood of the junior's expensive desk in search of any type of relief."

"Do something for me first." The Warbler panted. He needed Kurt to agree soon or his window of opportunity would be gone.

"Anything. God, I'll do anything. Just fuck me. Fuck me so hard I can't remember my way home tonight."

"Dance for me and Santana's duet in glee. You don't even have to prepare anything. Just dance. Feel the music and dance. Can you do that, baby?" Blaine asked. _Please agree. Please._

"Yes. God. Anything. Just fuck me already." And Blaine did. He drove his cock in and out of his boyfriend until he couldn't take it anymore. He came with a shout a few strokes later; allowing his seed to pulse inside his boyfriend.

Once he was milked dry, he reached beneath his boyfriend's body and grabbed Kurt's dick. It only took a few rough strokes before Kurt's cum was covering his hand. "Oh my God." Kurt panted as he tried to catch his bearings, "what the hell did you just have me agree to?"

Blaine simply smiled as he cleaned them up. "It really doesn't matter. You agreed and a Hummel always keeps his promises."

* * *

"Thank you for…_.that_, Brittany. I'm still not sure what that was but….thank you. At least you tried. That's more than I can say for some of you. Guys, Nationals are in less than a week and we still don't have a final number. Doesn't anyone have any ideas?" Kurt sank back in his seat just as Blaine's hand shot up. He hoped each day that Blaine forgot about their agreement. Unfortunately, he hadn't and it was time to pay the piper. "Blaine, do you have a number?" The teacher asked expectantly.

"Yes, sir. Santana and I have a duet that we'd like to do and Kurt will be dancing for it." Immediately, the group broke into a round giggles.

"Laugh now, halfwits, you won't be laughing later." Santana quipped as she and Blaine took the floor. Once the room had their attention, she turned to Brad. "Yo. Hit it." With a grumble, Brad began to play. In time with the music, Santana spoke.

_**Oh, my, god. Becky, look at her butt.  
It is so big. She looks like,  
one of those rap guys' girlfriends.  
But, you know, who understands those rap guys?  
They only talk to her, because,  
she looks like a total prostitute, 'kay?**_

In the middle of her dialogue, Kurt stood from his seat and began to head towards the front of the room. He received a supporting smile from his boyfriend as he walked. _What's the worst that could happen? They could laugh at me. I'll have to transfer back to Dalton and change my name. Not so bad._

_**I mean, her butt, is just so big.  
I can't believe it's just so round, it's like,  
out there, I mean - gross. Look!  
She's just so ... black!**_

As Blaine began to rap the first line of the song, Kurt took a breath; legs spread shoulder width apart, and dropped his behind to the floor.

_**I like big butts and I cannot lie  
You other brothers can't deny  
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist  
And a round thing in your face  
You get sprung, wanna pull out your tough  
'Cause you notice that butt was stuffed**_

Kurt picked it up and let it bounce to the song. He held his eyes closed as he danced. He couldn't bear to see the look in his friends face. There he was, Uptight Hummel as they called him from time to time, busting it wide open for all to see.

The senior was pleased when Santana took over the song. That meant it was almost over. He continued to bounce his ass to the beat of the song as she rapped her half. Thank Gaga this is almost over.

_**So I'm lookin' at rock videos  
Knock-kneeded bimbos walkin' like hoes  
You can have them bimbos  
I'll keep my women like Flo Jo  
A word to the thick soul sisters, I wanna get with ya  
I won't cuss or hit ya**_

Sometime during Santana's part of the song, Kurt realized that his boyfriend was dancing behind him. _Great! We've turned glee club into a Gay Bar Superstar Dance Party. Mr. Schuester is going to write us up. We're going to spend the next few days in In School Suspension. My dad is going to kill me._

_**But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna *fuck*  
Till the break of dawn  
Baby got it goin' on  
A lot of simps won't like this song  
'Cause them punks like to hit it and quit it  
And I'd rather stay and play  
'Cause I'm long, and I'm strong  
And I'm down to get the friction on**_

Blaine and Santana rapped the last part of the song together. Since Kurt didn't dance regularly like Mike and Brittany, he was worn out. Obviously he danced for hours to Lady Gaga and Nicki Minaj but this was different. He was actually trying._ I've never popped this much booty in my life. Well, except when Blaine and I are….yeah. _

_**So ladies, if the butt is round,  
And you want a triple X throw down,  
Dial 1-900-MIXALOT  
And kick them nasty thoughts  
Baby got back!**_

Much to Kurt's surprise, the rest of the glee club sang the last lyrics together. "Little in the middle but she got much back." They shouted at the end. When he finally turned around, he was met by the shocked faces of his peers.

"So, guys, what did you think?" Blaine asked expectantly. Sometimes Kurt wanted to punch him for is adorable obviousness. He was eager and adorable. It made Kurt want to kiss him and then smack him on the nose with a newspaper.

Unexpectedly, a slow clap rang out from the back of the room. It was Puck. One by one, his group mates began to join in. In the end, the entire glee club, with the exception of Finn –who seemed utterly confused by the performance- and Mr. Schuester –who was holding his head in his hands and repeating 'why' over and over again- was on their feet clapping.

"Seriously, Hummel. When did you get moves like that?" Puck shouted over the cheers. Kurt smiled shyly and shrugged his shoulders.

"Who cares? Did you see that? We have to do that at Nationals." Mike hollered. Brittany quickly agreed and they began making plans to turn Kurt's solo dance into a trio dance showcase.

"Absolutely. Mike, Lord Tubbington and I will meet you at the space ship to practice that." Brittany advised.

"Alright, guys. That's enough." Mr. Schuester finally shouted. He'd had enough. "While that was an….interesting performance, it's not one that's appropriate for a show choir competition." He advised.

A scoff rang out through the room. It came from Sugar. "Mr. Schuester, I'm sorry, but that was amazing."

Mercedes chimed in with a 'Mmmmhmmmm" just as Artie shouted 'Praise'.

"That's enough." The teacher shouted, effectively silencing the room. "Now, does anyone have a real idea?"

Blaine, Santana, and Kurt stopped listening at that moment. Regardless of what their teacher said, their performance was flawless. _He's just jealous that he can't work it like my baby can._ Blaine thought as the meeting droned to a close.

* * *

That night as they cuddled in Blaine's bed –the house was thankfully empty- the two reminisced on the performance. "….and you just dropped it. I'm not going to lie. I saw your butt hit the ground and I almost came in my pants." The junior gushed as he pulled his boyfriend's naked body closer.

Kurt giggled and shook his head. "Please. The way you rapped that song. I died. I mean, you were great when we did 'Perfect' but this…this was on another level. When you audition for NYADA next year, you have to rap something. Maybe you can rap Flo Rida or Jay Z."

"Sounds like a plan." The ex-Warbler replied as he rolled them onto their sides. They lay staring at each other for a long while before he spoke again. "Will you come back and be my back up dancer for my audition. I feel like if I'm going to be a rapper for my audition, I'm going to need a fly back up dancer."

"Why not ask Brittany? She can pop her booty for you." Blaine shook his head and pulled his arm away from Kurt's waist.

"No. I want you."

"Why?"

He landed a hard smack on the swell of his boyfriend's ass before speaking again. "Because, baby got back."

* * *

**A/N: Special thanks to Windsor for putting up with my bitching about the cover. I was not pleased. Another thanks to Nicki Minaj for making a song that everyone seems to like to twerk to. Kurt loves dropping it to 'Super Bass'. **

**Follow me on twitter: BritBojangles**

**And on Tumblr: mcclapyohandzzz**

**For anyone reading 'In The Jungle', here is a preview of the dialogue from the next chapter: **

_**"Dr. Smythe are you wearing jean shorts?"**_

_**"Yes, young man, I am." **_

_**"Oh...Dr. Smythe?" **_

_**"Yes?" **_

_**"My daddy said that the only people that wear jean shorts between the ages of ten and forty are whores. Are you a whore, Dr. Smythe?" **_


End file.
